Saturday, 12 October 2013

Coping with Technological Incompetence

I'm Nikki, and I am technologically incompetent. I don't know how to work many devices and I'm hopeless when I have to phone the "Tech department"; they are always more frustrated than I am by the end of the call. I just have never cared enough to put the effort into learning about it. Or as others will say, I'm lazy and taking advantage of my ignorance. I can do the basics, I can google stuff, I can youtube stuff, and I can usually navigate facebook. That's about it, I have a smart phone. I don't know why they are called that and I'm sure that I am not using it to its full potential. It is basically a handy way to play freecell and look up crafts that I will never do on Pinterest. When people talk about using up data and going onto wifi, I just agree with what they're saying. Even this blog for asks for a "username, domain name, and blog name". I think I did it wrong. 3 different names probably isn't very effective. Perhaps they wanted my real name in there somewhere? meh. I think about how hopeless my parents are and it makes me feel okay with it. My dad thinks google is the internet. He also adds "the" infront of it. Or he'll ask me how to look something up on "the youtube". I roll my eyes, but am secretly so glad that he doesn't ask anything more advanced. I act like I'm Steve Jobs when they ask for my help, but it's getting challenging now that they've upgraded their 18th century phones. My mom asked me to "program" her phone. hmm not so smart if it can't even program itself. I wasn't even sure what she meant, I played on her phone for an hour and then tried to give her a tutorial on all my discoveries.
"Nikki, I know how to work it, I want people's pictures to come up when they phone me"
"No one actually does that mom, you'll know who it is when the caller ID, IDs them." Eye roll and run. get out before she can challenge it.
It is more obvious at work however...
"Nikki, can you please cc me in on that email?"
"Sure can't!" (usually without the eye roll).
"Carbon Copy" right? you can't fool me email, I know you are not capable of creating hard carbon copies.
I miss the days when I didn't know what my ex-boyfriends aunt was having for dinner, when "chatting with a friend" literally meant you were physically with them, even letters, I miss mail.
Remember pen pals? Do kids even do that anymore? I loved getting hand written letters! It doesn't even matter what they say. Most of the time its a long note about someone else, usually shit that doesn't even matter...but I like it. If someone texted me a long unsolicited story about their vacation, and how nice it was to get away, how the Ocean tasted, how the air was fresher, how they swam with dolphins, how hot the sand was...blah blah blah. I know how the Ocean tastes. Salty. It's delicious. Now put it in a letter and I won't plot your death. I will even thank you for writing it.
It's hypocritical of me for sure, to enjoy its marvels and then fantasize a time before it existed. But lets just all agree to stop letting it evolve. It's good, it's done now. Mission accomplished, I can face time with my old pen pals. Just don't let me end up in a class full of sweet little seniors learning how to open a spreadsheet in excel, which I probably still can't do anyways...

Friday, 11 October 2013

The Silver Lining of Getting Sick

No one likes getting sick, it sucks. You look gross, food doesn't taste good, and you can't fully enjoy any activities. Imagine the best time in the world, maybe it's you on a roller coaster, or on a pirate ship, or cuddling with a box of imagine doing those things when you are sick. Your dreams quickly turn into your nightmares. A roller coaster with a fever would be pure torture; a pirate ship? not today, I have a head cold; the smelly box of puppies covered in their own disgusting fluids and whining like helpless little jerks would surely kill you if you had the flu. Now, I'm here to tell you that there is a silver lining. For a few days, the world stops. There is no one that will judge how long you stay in your PJs. Not one person will think you are pathetic when you have a bucket of your own vomit beside you. Some one may even say "you really need to eat" (which is always fun to hear); they'll probably even go get whatever you want if you cry. Which is okay when you are sick. You can watch whatever movie you want and you don't have to be ashamed. Sister Act 2, three times in a row? Sure! why? because today doesn't count! Want a nap because eating your "sore throat popsicle" made you tired? take one. Take two! "you really need to rest". You don't have to feel guilty about staying inside on a nice day. You can avoid household chores. No errands for you! besides, no one wants to be sneezed on in a grocery store. You can skip your workout, (and please do, it's dreadful when sick people go to the gym). You can listen to songs that no one else likes if they make you feel better. You can take a bath in the middle of the day and imagine what your sucker co-workers or class-mates are doing at that moment. You can crawl from room to room because your back is aching.
And I haven't even got to the best part. NyQuil. Even if you don't like to take medication, you always give into NyQuil. If you haven't, I'm not going to say you should...but you can't knock what you've never tried (except heroine, probably would be fine to avoid that). NyQuil is a sweet green nectar that makes your body feel as tired as your brain. It's like being knocked out by a combination of Tinker Bell and Mike Tyson...but in a nice way. A gentle, yet solid take-down. Oftentimes you awake in the same position that your body fell in the night before. I will say that it is difficult getting up, you may even feel like you were hit by the truck that delivers NyQuil, but you can't put a price on a good nights sleep!
Go ahead, take your sick day.
P.S. I'm not condoning phoning in sick when you are still able to function, and are unlikely to pass your germs; that's for dumb butts. Don't be a dumb butt, go to work.